Monday, April 17, 2006

Lucite LED Disco Heels

I had an interesting night this past Saturday.

I met Rebecca and her fauxsband Dave at the "Nickel" for discussions on sex and music. We found out that each of us are self-proclaimed good kissers. Rebecca's friend Megan/Meegan showed up too late for the sex talk.

We bullied the dj into playing some Magnetic Fields, Broken Social Scene and Electrelane. (We brought the cds in of course) The ladies at the Nickel were not happy about the Electrelane song. We had the dj play the Valleys. It has a choral break in it. Not the best soundtrack I s'pose for beer, shooting pool and Tribe talk.

The four of us decided to change the scenery and go to Muggs which is a kind of skeevy queer bar next door to a plasma donation center. Perfect.

We went there because they had bar bowling. My very favorite sport. The crowd was interesting.

Ya got yr lesbians with the long denim shorts, white leather sneakers and official assorted Cleveland team shirts. All with mostly the same haircuts... sort of mullet....sort of farmer's wife. NEVER messy. Always perfect. Oh...and always with a cigarette and/or a Bud Lite in hand.

Ya got yr 40-something or older gay men who still live in the 70/80s with very anachronistic moustache, open polyester blouses and tight slacks. There were 2 of them under the disco ball with arms in the air and huge smiles dancing like it was 1981 and they were at Traxx.

Then ya got yr pudgy wives and/or fag hags of these gay men sitting at the tables not 4 feet away from the dancing. They were dressed in tight little skirts and high heels. Tight uncomfortable smiles.

One of the women who really stood out was about 5' tall and wearing a pair of 4" high acrylic disco heels with lights that flashed inside them when she walked. She walked around the place a lot.

After Muggs we went to Bounce. We should rename the place. Let's call it "Club Dryer Sheet"

Anyway, it was "ladie's night" at Club Dryer Sheet so I was surprised and disappointed when we walked in and there was a drag show going on. I don't have any problems with drag shows...but most of the ones I have seen in Cleveland have been soooo damn dull. All the same crap-ass music. This one turned out to be fun.

It was TrannieDrag Queen (guy with huge boobs) then straight looking dull female stripper. Why would they not have a hot dykey stripper? Like a chick in a UPS uniform or maybe a hot field hockey player? Maybe that's just me. Then they had a kind of boring regular drag queen. Dull song, dull outfit. THEN... a huge tragic black drag queen came out. SHE was fabulous. I felt her fierce attitude wash over me like a blast of hot RTA bus exhaust in August as she strutted by on stage.

Megan/Meegan gave her a dollar in the correct "give the drag queen a dollar" pose. Ya know, one arm outstretched in front of you at about eyebrow level, wrist limp with hand turned down a bit, dollar neatly folded in half length-wise between your index and middle finger. Head respectfully lowered with gaze going up.

After the show the four of us went and hung out in the other area of the club and complained that we were sooooo much cooler then the rest of the homos there and how not one of the gay men would be able to tell Dave what their favorite Belle and Sebastian song was.

It's so hard being the cool creative fish in the big lame-ass boring pond isn't it?

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