Did you know?

I didn't.

A Tip Top day.

On Sunday Mike and I had breakfast at the Tip Top diner in Stow.

We spent the morning visiting my father in the hospital. We also met with his doctor to find out what we need to do, what we need my father to do, to get out of the hospital, out of rehab facilities and back home.

He just has to work harder in getting mobile. He can't even stand up on his own. He also has some dementia. It's so scary to even type that.

Most people are ready to take on any phyical illness....but dementia. What the heck do ya do with that? I know all the textbook answers to that question.

But emotionally, and deep in my gut...it's frightening. I worry about my dad. I worry about my mom. And I feel selfish too. I don't want to have to deal with all of this. I feel guilty too. Like I am not doing enough. I guess the reason I "feel" guilty is because it's true. I am not doing enough.

But the guilt goes away and gets replaced by anger when I hear that my father got on the phone this past week and ordered over $150 worth of food from a local pizza place for all the nurses on his floor of the hospital. He told the pizza place he would pay for it when it arrived.

He then called my mom and asked her to drive over with the money or to "call a cab and have them bring the money to the hospital."

My brother had to call the pizza place and explain to the owner what was going on and that we don't have the $150 for the food. The pizza owner had just gone thru some stuff with his own father and was very kind and only charged us half of what it all cost. Still . . . that's $75 my mom and brother could not afford.

I don't know who to be more angry at.

• My dad for doing this stupid shit? It's not like the dementia brought this on. He has always done this kind of ridiculous grandstanding.

• The pizza shop for agreeing to deliver $150 worth of food to a patient calling from the hospital?

• Me because my mom was afraid to call and tell me about this on the day it happened?

Christmas Eve, eve

I finally put up O Tannenbaum. I was dragging my feet on it but Monica was Linus to my Charlie Brown and convinced me to do it.

It's been a very hard year. Family-wise. My father's health has been very bad since the end of August. He took a spill at home and since then has been carted from hospital, to nursing home to hospital to rehab facility.

He's not the same person anymore. Not really 'with it' in any sense. Physically (can't walk or do anything on his own except be in bed and mumble) and mentally he can't get a handle on what month it is or remember the name of he and my mother's dog. (Cheech)

An awful part of all of this is that he is angry and unhappy. We have all tried to placate him and tell him that if he just TRIES to move and do his physical rehab, he will feel better and be able to come home. He angrily tells me that if we just take him home, nobody will be able to help him and then he will "have to get up and do it himself."

Oh this has turned into a sad post. Almost like David Sedaris' "Seasons Greetings to our Friends and Family"

I know that so many people are going through this same thing right now. So many people before me have gone through this. We need to start a co-op. Take turns.

I AM very lucky to have a brother and sister who are doing all that they can too. As corny as it sounds, it really does feel like it has brought us all a bit closer together.

I am sorry for this awful sad (and sadly dull) post. This is what happens when you get out of bed early and sit down at the computer with a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee too early on a Christmas Eve, eve Sunday morning.

Ohhhhh... My.... GAWD!

Another Holiday Season.

I never used to understand how people could not just be filled with joy around Christmas. The music, the gifts, my BIRTHDAY!!

But now I understand.

The music...

The gifts...

My birthday.

Ugh.

I don't think so.

Room View
Originally uploaded by bitterbutter

Bob, Leslie and I went to NYC this past weekend.

It was once again an amazing trip. Great food, art, and gorgeous people and places.

I feel very lucky to live so close to one of the most amazing places on this planet.

This was our view out our hotel window on the first night. We switched rooms the next because they could only give us one king sized bed for the three of us.

The three of us slept horizontally. Quite roomy really.

Some fun places we ate and drank at were:
The Coffee Shop
Miracle Grill
Cafe Pick Me Up
The Magnolia Bakery
S'mac

We shopped at Bob and Leslie's favorite store, Uniqlo

Leslie bought a hat for me from a street vendor
I bought a silver ring from a street vendor

And I purchased yet one more ugly pair of Crocs.

Thanksgiving weekend

Dirty dishes, lots of laughing, a few kitchen meltdowns, baked goods from Rebecca, vagina comparisons, Romanian jokes, more laughing.

Just like the Pilgrims.

It's almost here isn't it?

When I took Kozmo out for his 7am chihuahua gavotte I noticed that

Cleveland's weather has taken a turn for the winterly.

Big heavy PMS 653 clouds hang over the freeway.

I used to look forward to that. Not so much anymore.

Speaking of I-90. I live right near it and am happy they have walls up to block noise and such, but when I am walking my dog in the morning, it looks like what I imagined it looked a bit like around the Berlin Wall back before Ronald Reagan asked it to be torn down.

Okay...on that downer note, here's a Club 8 song to pick you up.

Everybody loves ketchup!



I just love this band. I love this album, Emperor Tomato Ketchup. This video should make me happy but it just makes me sad. Mary Hansen who is playing the tambourine and doing the back-up vocals in this video died in a bicycle accident in 2002.

Afternoon Naps - Sun Ain't the Same

Pipas - Basements

Hermit Crabs - Friend's Folk Festival

Math and Physics Club - Baby I'm Yours

go give 'em a listen.

A warm cuppa MOCA on a rainy autumn day.

Leslie, Sharon, Egan and I met at the Westside Market Cafe for breakfast this past Saturday morning and then headed over to MOCA Cleveland to see the Diana Cooper exhibit.

I was a bit skeptical when Rebecca mentioned how amazing she thought it was, but I thought I would check it out anyway. And since I wasn't sure I would like it, I of course dragged some friends to see it with me. (I'm so thoughtful aren't I?)

I should have known that Rebecca would be right. She knows her artsy cool stuff.

It was a lot of gigantic three-dimensional installations. Just amazing. As Sharon and Leslie pointed out, very architectural.

I told Leslie I wanted to start a podcast that was me talking, giving a tour of galleries and shows that are in Cleveland each month. Talking about the art. Giving some info about the artists.

She asked if it would just be me saying "Do ya like it? huh? How about this? Do you like this one?"

I guess that's all I kept saying to her.

Anyway...go see the show at MOCA. It's very cool.

More importantly, BUY ART THIS WEEKEND!!!

Let's do it again!

Jens-Belle&Sebastian-Beirut-Stereolab-PageFrance-ImperialTeen-MattPondPA-DressyBessy-TheBirdandtheBee-GuidedByVoices-YoLaTengo-ArcadeFire-AislersSet-PostalService-Broadcast-BeatHappening-Heavenly-etc, etc, etc,

ON ICE!!

Kristy

When I was a kid I loved the song Shake It by Ian Mathews.

The opening scene in this movie is probably the reason why.

You don't have to watch it after 1:06

I wish I were a Mod.

I can't believe I am Stuart!

Which Dyke to Watch Out For Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Stuart You are Stuart, partner and co-parent with bi-dyke Sparrow. You believe that values need to be backed up with action, which can make you a bit impulsive at times. Make sure to budget time and money in order to afford the winter-length utili-kilts and Air America Radio shirts you've had your eyes on. Stuart 75% Lois 70% Sydney 70% Mo 65% Toni 55% Clarice 50% Sparrow 25%

I wanted to be Lois or at least Mo!!

The cool thing is that Alison Bechdel is a Stuart too.

I'm a snotty ass foodie

This morning I went to visit my folks in Ravenna. My Uncle Jim from Apple Valley, California was in town. I have not seen he and my Aunt Donna in 20 years.

It was great to see them. Although Uncle Jim has turned into "dittohead". He was spouting all the sillieness. Things like, how lucky we are to have George W. Bush in the whitehouse. Oy.

Anyway, over coffee, mom was talking about wanting to take my aunt and uncle to lunch after visiting my father at the nursing home.

My mom suggested a place called Mike's Place that's kind of like an authentic TGIFridays. They have stuff all over the walls and hanging from the ceiling. But it's all stuff that the owners and staff have collected over the years. Right near the front door they have a full size model (I assume it's full size, I have never been close to the real thing)of a Star Wars X-Wing Fighter.

My mom likes to go there. I don't so much. Not that I am a health nut (it's painfully obvious) but the food is pretty....hmmm.....kinda.... High Cholesterolicious! They should hand out heart paddles instead of moist towelettes.

I said to my mom, "What are you guys gonna get? A bucket of deep fried heart disease?"

Mom said in a fake haughty voice, "ohhh, I'm sorry they don't have... don't have...

asparagus with cheese sauce!"

She did this while miming the pouring of cheese sauce over some high-falutin' asparagus.

sigh.

Je suis fatigué et triste et moi voulez danser

Vespa, Vespa


Today Pat and I went down to Pride of Cleveland Scooters so I could try and talk her into buying a new scooter.

I almost succeeded. She said she doesn't want anything BUT a Vespa.

I totally understand. They are just gorgeous.

If I could afford one I would have one too.

Although I do love my poor Vespa cousin from India, the Bajaj.

Flying Club Cup

I have to go to the dentist this afternoon.

To calm myself while under the drill I will think of this video.

Succumbing to the mockery.

Self Portrait 0001
Originally uploaded by bitterbutter

Friends were making fun of my profile picture on my blog so I thought I would do a self portrait and use that instead.

A good Republican.

I watched this and cried.

Why can't all the Republicans (and many of the Democrats) understand what this Mayor of San Diego understands?

I'm a Ha-Ha Whore...

...according to my friends.

I wish I was half as funny as Maria Bamford.

studio a rama 2007

SAR2007
Originally uploaded by bitterbutter

It turned out a lot better then I expected this year.

I designed the t-shirts for the event and they were a big hit. That made me awfully happy.

Oh...and if you ever get the chance to go see the Homostupids live...


don't.

Disgusting consumerists!

There is something oddly soothing about making a wishlist on Amazon. I don't know why it makes me happy.

It must release some of the same endorphins that are released during actual purchases of things I don't really need. Not that I do that too often.

And I do need EVERYTHING on this list!! Really! I'm serious! Everything!!

"I'd love to make you insecure."


Oh my god. A bonfire AND Jason Anderson. This is what I wish studio-A-rama really was like.


Jason Anderson has a new cd out called Tonight. I have heard a few tracks and highly recommend it!

Here is one of his new songs called July 4, 2004. I have a mad crush on it! Give it a chance.
You might swoon too.




sigh

The Neighborhood Known as Beachland

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Homicide overnight in Cleveland
A man was shot to death last night in the 1200 block of East 175th Street, police said.
He was taken to Huron Road Hospital about 2:50 a.m.
More information will be available later today.

++++++++++++++++++++++

I woke up last night to what sounded like a huge car crash at about 2am. I got out of bed and went to my front porch. I didn't see anything. I went back to my bedroom and heard what sounded like another crash and then car wheels spinning.

I went back out to the front porch and looked around. Then I heard gunshots. I went back to my bedroom and looked out my back window and saw 2 men running through my back yard.

I didn't sleep very well the rest of the night.

Medicine

Just kidding. I really don't think a gin&tonic + a wheat beer is medicine. It did reduce the stress a bit though on Friday.

Dad is in nursing home rehab. He was doing good for a week but then he had some sort of problem that the nursing home thought was a stroke. They took him to the hospital. He was there for a day or two.

When I saw him at the hospital he said he hated "the sonavabitches" there. He wanted to come home. I had to tell him he was going back to Longmeadow. (the nursing home) He was not happy about that but seemed to understand. They took him back to Longmeadow on Thursday.

On Friday morning the nursing home called my mom and told her that my dad refuses to do therapy and told the staff that, "my son is coming to pick me up. I'm going home!" He wouldn't go back in his room. He sat in the hallway dressed. Waiting for Michael to pick him up.

Mom called me, I called my brother. He said he did not talk to dad that day.

A counselor went down to talk to dad. She told him that Mike was at work and could not come pick him up.

Dad said he would take a "goddamn cab" home. The counselor said that would be expensive because he couldn't leave Longmeadow unless the Dr. signed off on him. She told him without that signature, his insurance would not cover his stay.

Dad of course told her, "Go ahead , send the goddamn bill, I'm not paying it!"

They finally convinced him to do just a "little bit" of therapy. They had his favorite therapist, Tammie come to his room to convince him. He did a bit.

That evening Michael went to see dad. The whole time my dad kept telling Mike, "Grab my stuff, we can go out the door right outside my room." It is an emergency exit door.

Here's the deal. This is what pisses me off about the whole thing. Dad is NOT loopy. He is not out of it mentally. He is completely lucid. He knows he needs to stay there til he is able to even go to the bathroom by himself.

This is so hard on my mom. She has heart problems and I don't want all of dad's drama to do her in.

The first week dad was in Longmeadow he was doing really well. He was getting stronger. Moving more. And now he is a mess again. He can't even sit up in his bed without help.

He can't come home yet!

My sister Kelly and mom are going over there today to see him. I hope it goes okay.

Sorry for this long boring post. I promise more music and witty musings soon.

Sunrise over I-90

My top 10 favorite things of this very moment are as follows:

1. a clean kitchen counter
2. coffee with cream
3. clean socks
4. my purple blanket
5. 5:00 am
6. black markers
7. Burt's Bees Hand Salve
8. my dog
9. the moment before I fall asleep
10. driving away from Ravenna