Vodka

It's not a good idea to "blog" when you are half in the bag. But I am. And I am "blogging" anyway. While making my artichoke dip for the party I am going to, I have been imbibing on the Skyy Watka.

I can't believe I made it through 2008. It was the hardest year I have faced...ever.

I don't like to say that, because I am just sure that our god is a vengeful god, and will show me what a "hard year" really is if I keep whining about it. AND I do know that compared to so many millions of people on this planet I have it sooooo damn easy.

But...and it's a big butt. It's been an awful year for me.

My father died in February.

I lost my job of 20 years in June.

My Spousal Equivalent broke her leg in three places in June.

My mom had a heart attack in October.


This year has sucked. But... and it's a big butt.

I have a new job that I really like.

Monica's leg is doing great.

My mom is doing better then ever.

Okay. Happy New Year.

And just so you don't worry....I do have a designated driver tonite.

xoxo

A New Year

A friend recently told me that she doesn't feel like her "new year" starts on the 1st of January. She feels like it starts in the fall some time.

Not me. I am ready for that fresh, clean, straight outta the box, New Year at midnight on December 31st. I like the pomp and circumstance. Everything in life is too casual now.

I feel like we need more honest intention in our daily lives. More with the hard shoes. Less with the sneakers.

I think in 2009, we really have to get down to business. Get to work.

That doesn't mean work on things that you don't want to work on. That means work on them with honest intention. Make it important.

Merry Christmas


Christmas for Kozmo from christine hahn on Vimeo.

ColdestShortestDay01
Originally uploaded by bitterbutter

Today is the shortest day of the year.

I have a feeling it will be the coldest also.

I went to have coffee with friends this morning. After that I went down to Lake Erie to take some pictures.

It was so bitter cold. My face hurt after being outside my car for just 30 or so seconds. The brisk icy high winds were very hard to take.

Me again.
Originally uploaded by bitterbutter

My friend Sharon wanted to go to Hudson today. She has never been there.

We walked around for a while. Hudson is nice. Really great houses. Lots of little shops.

After that, we went to check out Chagrin Falls. Just mostly to see what Hudson is aiming for. Chagrin Falls does it better. You know what I mean.

On the way back into Cleveland we stopped to check out the Wade Oval "Ice Rink."

I use quotes because the ICE is made of plastic. There were a dozen or so people skating around. It looked gorgeous...but sounded all wrong.

It didn't sound like ice skating. I still recommend you go check it out tho. They will be open 'til February.

"It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them."
-P. G. Wodehouse


I just GOTTA remember this. I am an incessant "sorry" er.

I cannot believe that Christmas day is almost here.
I have my tree up. I made this year's ornament. It's a little styrofoam snowman.
He's kinda cute.

Riot Hag





Last weekend I watched "Don't Need You: The Herstory of Riot Grrrl."

It's a short documentary on the whole Riot Grrl scene in the early to mid 90s. It was pretty good. I thought it left out a lot of bands and artists, but it did pretty much focus on the main bands, Bratmobile, Heaven's to Betsy and Bikini Kill.

Please, someone get me a ukulele for Christmas...
or for my Birthday!

Don't make any lame-ass damn excuses
for not being there. Really.

Straight Allies

How to make a Blue state into a Money Green state!

Okay. So California has passed Proposition 8. Making "Gay Marriage" in California illegal.

First of all: STOP calling it "Gay Marriage." It's not about the marriage being gay. It's about granting every American the same damn civil rights.

Lesbian, gay people are second class citizens in this country even though we are paying taxes and following the same rules that the hetero population is.

Not fair. Not goddamn fair!

So...here's what we do.

RIGHT NOW, Ohio Governor Strickland needs to make "Gay Marriage" legal here in the Buckeye State. That would make us a very popular place for all the moneyed homosexuals to live. Cleveland could be the next San Francisco! How great would that be?!

Huh?! Huh?!

And by the way...I am THRILLED to have a president that I can be proud of.

The next time I am having trouble falling asleep THIS is what I am going to do!!

What to do with that old record player in the closet.

One of the many reasons I don't have a job right now.

What a gorgeous weekend.

Gorgeous enough to paint pictures of garbage cans in the
Euclid Creek Reservation.

The hell with Obama...



I want Henry Waxman as the next president!!!

Reason # 387 to live in Cleveland.

Is it too early to think about Xmas?

I would LOVE one of these for my tree this year!!

PLEEEEEEZE!!!

Somebody make these for me. They are soooooo adorable.

I would like mine in more realistic colors tho.

A gorgeous September day.

On Saturday I rode all around Cleveland on my scooter.

So much was going on. There was the Tremont Art Festival in Lincoln Park. The festival seems to get bigger each year. I visited a few booths and sat and watched a polka band for a few songs.

I then went to ride around the west bank of the flats looking for somewhere to sit and paint. I discovered that a big rowing event was going on. The "Head of the Cuyahoga" Rowing Event.

I sat and painted by the Columbus road bridge. Right near OCBC.

This is not some of my best work...but it was fun to do.

An amazing scene, an amazing song, in one of my Top 3 movies.

Beautiful in sight AND sound.

#41 - Arcade Fire - Neon Bible & Wake Up
by lablogotheque

1993 was amazing.

A toast!

"To the two women who I would drive and hour and half to have dinner with in Warren, Ohio"

clink!

I Yam What I Yam.


Most of 'Generation MySpace' never had to hear that awful song, "I am what I am," being bellowed out by a Gay Men's Chorus.

I did. Every year at Gay Pride. I hate it. I pretty much hate all the "Gay Anthems."

Wait...no. I do like

• "I spent my last $10 on Birth Control and Beer" by 2 Nice Girls.


• "Fast and Frightening" by L7


• "Rebel Girl" by Bikini Kill


• "Rebel Rebel" by David Bowie


• "I don't Believe You" by Magnetic Fields

I know there are tons more that I am not thinking of. Can you think of any?

I am having a hard time keeping focus.

Smile, cringe, smile.

That is what I do whenever I see fashion from the early 90s.

I love it, I am embarrassed by it, I miss it.



The glasses, the hats, the hair. Sigh.

That's the Judybats by the way.

Damn dill weed.


I just spent my evening making chicken soup from scratch.

I put in carrots, potatoes, green beans, noodles and of course some chicken.

It smelled soooo good.

As it was just about finished cooking I found a little container of dried dill in my pantry. I started sprinkling it into the soup. It wasn't coming out so I pounded the bottom a bit and then clumps of it came out. It looked kind of weird but I thought nothing of it. I stirred it in.

After about 10 minutes I noticed what looked like little dark reddish seeds floating in my beautiful homemade soup.

I took one out and it looked like a bug. I spooned a few more out and looked at them under a magnifying glass.

Yes. They were bugs.

A gigantic pot of homemade chicken noodle soup totally ruined.

Daaaaaaaaaaaag.

stonecoldbikini omlet

My friend Ed of Chasing Infinity and I will be the official DJs for the Sunday May 4th, Rock and Roll brunch at the Beachland Tavern.

You should come. The food is great and the staff is just lovely.

Here we do it different.


One hand in pocket, one hand wrapped around can of beer

Pretty dresses

I stumbled upon this video when I was looking for more info on Sufjan Steven's song "The dress looks nice on you".



It's really kind of beautiful isn't it? The song and the video.

Not So Leafy
Originally uploaded by bitterbutter

Finally I am seeing some buds on the trees here in the land of Cleve.

I am happy that it's starting...but get so angry when I see empty headed Barbie and Ken news dolls on TV shrieking about how thrilled they are that the temps are "going to be 10 degrees higher then they should be this time of year!"

Ugh!

Sooooooooooo Happy!!

Most of you guys already know this...but for those who don't, I do a radio show here in Cleveland.

It's only once a week on Thursday mornings from 8-10am. It's on a college/community radio station based at Case Western Reserve University.

WRUW FM 91.1

I have been doing this two-hour radio show for almost 8 years now. It's one of my favorite things in the world to do. I just love it. My show is called Stonecoldbikini. I got the name from a song lyric. The song is V.G.I. by Julie Ruin. "Im not a genius I'm more like a genie, granting girls wishes from my stonecoldbikini."

Julie Ruin is a project that Kathleen Hanna did after she left (or they just broke up) Bikini Kill. I think Kathleen Hanna is an amazing woman. An amazing artist. A cool chick who is NEVER afraid to use the "F" word. I just love that about her.

The reason I am sooooo damn happy is because this week is the week that we at WRUW do a telethon. A once a year thing. It's the week we ask for donations for our radio station.

Times are tight financially for everyone right now and I figured I would not raise as much as I did last year or even the year before. I was aiming for about $1500.

I was able to raise $3770!!
(well....$3769. I will throw in a dollar)

It's just amazing. I am thrilled that there are sooooo many people out there who get how important local, community, non-commercial, non-corporate radio is!!

I am also happy to find out that there are a lot of people out there who love the same kind of music that I play during my show each week. If you want to hear the telethon show, you can download it here. The archives last for a week, so you have til this coming Thursday morning at 8am to get a copy of it.

I am just sooooo damn happy!!!!!

Cut yr hair




The fabulous Kim Deal took Stephen Malkmus to task in a recent magazine interview:

Did the success of that song [Cannonball] cause any jealousy among your indie-rock peers?

You know, [Pavement’s Stephen] Malkmus is being a bit of a bitch in interviews recently. One thing he said last summer referred to me as “trashy mouth.” And he just did this article in Spin where he alluded to me unpleasantly, saying [something like], “You know, I always thought that Pavement could have had one of those big hits in the early ’90s with ‘Cut Your Hair,’ but I guess people preferred ‘Cannonball.’”

Are you a fan of his music?

Yeah, I liked Pavement. But if he keeps fucking smacking his mouth off about me, I’m going to end up not being able to listen to any of their fucking records again. Anyway, I thought, God, man, “Cut Your Hair” isn’t as good of a song as “Cannonball,” so fuck you. How’s that? Your song was just a’ight, dawg.

What to do when you can't sleep


You go online and decide more then anything
you want this phone.








Or you make a muxtape. Yeah...I said muxtape.

Mountain Battles


You are invited to a listening party
for the new Breeder's album, Mountain Battles.


Mountain Battles Record Release Party from The Breeders on Vimeo.


Please, have some chips.

Hooray for Hollywood!

Two of my Favorite Things!

The Beachland Ballroom and brunch!

Did you guys know they do a Sunday brunch every week. Neither did I.

It's too well hidden on their website. C'mon guys...do a bit of marketing!

The brunch goes from 11am-3pm The chef is Kimberly Homan.

Here is what is on the menu:

(all items are served a la carte):

Eggs Beachland:
Poached egg & peppercorn on a grilled baguette, topped with smoked gouda sauce

Egg & Cheese Strata: Fluffy baked egg, cheese, & bread cassarole

PB&J: Crunchy peanut butter & today’s jelly dipped in whole-wheat batter and deep-fried*

Breakfast Quesadilla: Chorizo, beans, & cheese in a corn tortilla (substitute vegetables for chorizo to make vegetarian)*

Oatmeal Pancakes with maple butter*

Breakfast Polenta: Creamy, buttery corn goodness with roasted garlic, cheddar, and bacon

Stuffed French Toast whipped cream cheese & fruit*

Fruit Cobbler: Seasonal fruit baked with granola and topped with honeyed yogurt*

Also: Bacon, Sausage, Roasted Potatoes, Corn Bread, Grilled Baguette, or Seasonal Veggie

Specialty and NA Cocktails available.

* All items marked with an asterik are vegetarian options.

I am planning to go on Sunday April 6th. Let's see how many people we can get to fill the damn place! C'mon...Stuffed French Toast for God's sake!!

Wow.



I am REALLY liking the new Portishead album called "Third".

Their first release in about 9 years. The above video is for the song "Machine Gun".

My fave song on the album so far is "The Rip". Give it a listen.

Was it something I said?

Everybody is leaving!

This from today's Plain Dealer:

Between 2000 and 2007, Ohio's largest county lost more people - both in numbers and as a percentage of its population - than any of America's 100 largest counties. During that span, Northeast Ohio lost nearly 50,000 people, according to a Plain Dealer analysis of the census data.

This makes me so sad. What will it take to get people to stay in Cleveland?

I don't think it's a Medical Mart.

I have lost about half a dozen friends to bigger cities. More progressive cities.

Why can't we be a quirky midwest town like Minneapolis?

Cleveland is like the guy who keeps losing his girlfriend to other women or artistic, fey straight guys. He doesn't know why.

He has a nice house in Brook Park. He takes her to all the Brown's games. On weekends he treat's her to dinner at Applebees or Outback. What the eff?! What more does she want?!

I don't think I've ever been more in love.

Isn't this Vespa GTS just gorgeous. Sunny yellow and 250cc!

Sigh.

I have as much chance getting this scooter
as I have getting Kate Winslet.

I probably have a better chance affording Kate.

Well I did it.

I voted for Hillary Clinton to be the Democratic candidate for president.

I really believe that Hillary Clinton wants to do good things for this country. I feel that she loves this country. That is why she wants to be president.

She knows what the hell she is doing.

I am hoping that people realize that and get out and vote today.

How much do I love Tina Fey?

Let me count the ways.....


One:

Cooler Cleveland

Ya know, we all complain about Cleveland, but this is one more example of how wonderful this crazy town is.


A vacant lot will become a winter wonderland on Leap Night February 29, 2008 from 6-11 p.m. The free event open to the public will be held at 1100 Old River Road (between Main Avenue and Front Street).

Leap Night will feature a snow and ice installation, a winter forest complete with costume bears, music, bonfires, performances by SAFMOD, Cleveland’s multi-media performance ensemble, an ice skating rink, a snowboard ramp and rail jam competition, an outdoor Rock BandTM video game competition, a snowsuit fashion show, and food and drink vendors. The site offers ample free parking and convenient access via the RTA Waterfront Line, East Bank Station.

Leap Night is part of Pop Up City, a temporary use initiative that is supported by the Cleveland Foundation’s Civic Innovation Lab and operated through Kent State University’s Cleveland Urban Design Collaborative.

Sunspot
Originally uploaded by bitterbutter

Sometimes the sun comes out after weeks of cold wet gray and it just makes ya so happy...so filled with warmth.

Sometimes you hear the perfect song to go with that feeling, that sunny day, and you drive for miles with your sunglasses on playing that song over and over and over and

nothing

could ever make you feel

happier.

William Fredrick Hahn

June 28, 1938 - February 1, 2008

My father died on Friday night.


He had been in and out of hospitals and nursing homes for
the last six months. He hated it. Just hated it.


On Friday afternoon I got a call from the most recent nursing home telling me that they had to call 911 because he was unresponsive and not breathing well.
I left work and went to the hospital. They told me I couldn't see him because they were doing tests. I went over to my brother's house where my mom and dad live to see how my mom was doing.



We got another call from the hospital. The doctor said my father was in really bad shape. That we should probably come over and see him right away. I called my sister and told her what was going on. She said she was going to come down to the hospital.


My brother, my mom and I went over. I got there first. He had a BiPap machine over his nose and mouth. It was forcing oxygen into his lungs. He was just lying there out of it. Not really awake. His eyes were open but he was unresponsive.


The nurse came in and said he was doing much better then when he first arrived. That gave us a second of hope, but then the doctor came in and said he was in awful shape. She said he had infections throughout his body. Fluid in his lungs. His blood pressure was very low. His body was giving up.


We stayed there in the ER for a while. My mom was not doing well just sitting there watching him. We were told another doctor was going to see him and give their advice on what we should do next.


We decided to go home and wait. My mother kissed my dad on his bare shoulder, told him she loved him and we left.



At this time we really thought there was a chance he could pull out of this. Mike, mom and I went and to get some lunch and went home. We called Kelly to update her on what was going on.


About an hour later Kelly got to the house. She had just went to see my father. Her eyes were all red from crying. For the next hour we sat in my mom's living room, waiting.


The hospital called.


They asked us to make some hard decisions. My father had a very strict DNR. He did not want to be put on any machines at all. He has told us that all of his life. Even in the last few weeks he told us to make sure we did not prop him up with ventilators. The hospital said the whole family could come be with him when they took him off everything and made him comfortable.


My mother couldn't do it. She started sobbing while Mike held her.
It was decided that Mike and I would go over and be with him.


When we got to the hospital, Dad was still in the ICU. We were in there when they took him off all the machines. He never came to during any of this. It was as if he was sleeping but having bad dreams. His arms and feet were twitching, moving, but he was unresponsive. We sat in there with him for about an hour or two.
The nurse came in and said that they were going to take him to a hospice room on the 2nd floor. He said it would be more comfortable there. The nurse said it would take about 15-20 minutes.


Mike and I went down to the cafeteria. We sat and ate cold turkey sandwiches. Sitting there I was thinking about how happy I was to have my brother there. He's a very strong and kind man. The family could not have gotten through this without him. I have to remember to tell him that. Althought I am SURE he will have a smart-ass response. Even more reason to love him.


We went up to the hospice room where my dad was. It was much nicer. They raised the back of the bed so he was in more of a sitting postion. That was making it much easier for him. He really appeared to be much more at rest and peaceful. He wasn't twitching and he just looked more comfortable. He was in a deep sleep.
Mike and I sat there with him for about an hour. Mike held his hand and told him he loved him.


The time between which he took breaths became longer and longer.
Finally...quietly, he just stopped.


I looked at Mike and then he looked up at the ceiling and waved, "bye dad."

A memorial gathering of family and friends will be held from 6-8 p.m. on Tuesday, Feb. 5, 2008 at the WOOD-KORTRIGHT-BORKOSKI FUNERAL HOME, 703 E. MAIN ST., RAVENNA, OH

Charmed, I'm sure.

Are you charming?

Who is the most charming person you know.

What is "charming?"

How can one be MORE charming?

I H E A R T O H I O

Dance Party Friday!





I want to see Mark Nolan do this!!

This is a news channel in Cincinnati, Ohio

Corner of Route 14 and 44.

This is what it looks like at 5:52am in the Portage county seat.

The air felt like cold, dry, road-salt .

It smelled like coffee and gasoline.

I felt dizzy, tired, empty.

"You are so swell, just like DSL."

Last weekend when I was babysitting for my sister, her daughter (12) and her daughter's friend (13) wanted to go online. I called my sister to make sure they were allowed to do that.

She said yes, but only for an hour. She told me to "keep on eye on 'em" while they are online.

Do you know how hard that is?! I kept making excuses to walk through the dining room. I mostly saw them looking at some sort of animal game. No biggie.

Towards the end of their hour visit to internet land I noticed they were on MySpace.

I never had a problem with MySpace and always thought "What's the big deal?" But at that moment I wanted to find Tom and bitchslap him. All I could think of was that damn Dateline show with the parade of pervs.

I told the girls it was time to say goodbye to the interweb and get ready for dinner.

I heard the Hot Toddies sing HTML on WCSB the other morning. This song helps to explain why I don't ever want any of my nephews or nieces on the world wide web. Ever.

Great song tho!

Speaking of food...

The Grovewood Tavern is having a beer tasting dinner.

I would love to go to that.

I need to ask for a raise.

"Boss, can I have more money? I want to go taste beers."

I am listening to an interview with Michael Pollan on Science Friday on NPR. It's an archived show from January 4th.

Michael Pollan is an author. He just wrote In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto.

His philosophy is "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."

Simple.

He says that in

1960, people spent 18% of their yearly income on food and 5% on Health Care.

Today people spend 9.5% of their yearly income on food and 18% on Health Care.

Hmmm. Ya think something is wrong?

A reason to send some cards and letters!

How cool are these stamps!?!? I really liked the Warhol stamps when they came out but I just love the new Eames ones more!

I am gonna run out and get some now!

I just can imagine how Eames is being pronounced at the post office.

Probably the same way I pronounced it before being corrected by my real artist friends.

Quiet on the set! People! We're making movies here!!

I hung out this weekend with a group of actors, directors, writers, cinematographers, choreographers and key grips.

Here is the result.

Unapologetic


From the January 8th, 2008
Op-Ed in the NYT by Gloria Steinem

I'm supporting Senator Clinton because like Senator Obama she has community organizing experience, but she also has more years in the Senate, an unprecedented eight years of on-the-job training in the White House, no masculinity to prove, the potential to tap a huge reservoir of this country's talent by her example, and now even the courage to break the no-tears rule. I'm not opposing Mr. Obama; if he's the nominee, I'll volunteer. Indeed, if you look at votes during their two-year overlap in the Senate, they were the same more than 90 percent of the time. Besides, to clean up the mess left by President Bush, we may need two terms of President Clinton and two of President Obama.


But what worries me is that he is seen as unifying by his race while she is seen as divisive by her sex.


What worries me is that she is accused of "playing the gender card" when citing the old boys' club, while he is seen as unifying by citing civil rights confrontations.


What worries me is that male Iowa voters were seen as gender-free when supporting their own, while female voters were seen as biased if they did and disloyal if they didn't.


What worries me is that reporters ignore Mr. Obama's dependence on the old - for instance, the frequent campaign comparisons to John F. Kennedy - while not challenging the slander that her progressive policies are part of the Washington status quo.


What worries me is that some women, perhaps especially younger ones, hope to deny or escape the sexual caste system; thus Iowa women over 50 and 60, who disproportionately supported Senator Clinton, proved once again that women are the one group that grows more radical with age.


This country can no longer afford to choose our leaders from a talent pool limited by sex, race, money, powerful fathers and paper degrees. It's time to take equal pride in breaking all the barriers. We have to be able to say: "I'm supporting her because she'll be a great president because she's a woman."

Did you know?

I didn't.

A Tip Top day.

On Sunday Mike and I had breakfast at the Tip Top diner in Stow.

We spent the morning visiting my father in the hospital. We also met with his doctor to find out what we need to do, what we need my father to do, to get out of the hospital, out of rehab facilities and back home.

He just has to work harder in getting mobile. He can't even stand up on his own. He also has some dementia. It's so scary to even type that.

Most people are ready to take on any phyical illness....but dementia. What the heck do ya do with that? I know all the textbook answers to that question.

But emotionally, and deep in my gut...it's frightening. I worry about my dad. I worry about my mom. And I feel selfish too. I don't want to have to deal with all of this. I feel guilty too. Like I am not doing enough. I guess the reason I "feel" guilty is because it's true. I am not doing enough.

But the guilt goes away and gets replaced by anger when I hear that my father got on the phone this past week and ordered over $150 worth of food from a local pizza place for all the nurses on his floor of the hospital. He told the pizza place he would pay for it when it arrived.

He then called my mom and asked her to drive over with the money or to "call a cab and have them bring the money to the hospital."

My brother had to call the pizza place and explain to the owner what was going on and that we don't have the $150 for the food. The pizza owner had just gone thru some stuff with his own father and was very kind and only charged us half of what it all cost. Still . . . that's $75 my mom and brother could not afford.

I don't know who to be more angry at.

• My dad for doing this stupid shit? It's not like the dementia brought this on. He has always done this kind of ridiculous grandstanding.

• The pizza shop for agreeing to deliver $150 worth of food to a patient calling from the hospital?

• Me because my mom was afraid to call and tell me about this on the day it happened?